Was watching "Man vs. Wild" just now (this guy puts himself into extreme situations and (in an albeit it sensationalized manner) attempts to inform the viewer how to survive in the arctic, or rain Forrest, or ...as in the case of this episode - the desert.
Anyway, in this episode, he proceeds to gut a camel in search of fluids - and I learnt that not only is there a certain amount of "drinkable" fluids "between" the camel's organs which could sustain life (which the host "Bear Grylls" also indeed drinks) but that you can also rip into the stomach and squeeze the "juice" from the digested food (some might call this stuff 'shit') - which is also "drinkable"... anyway... and here's the kicker...
If by chance you've found yourself stranded in a desert somewhere and you've already completely skinned and gutted your camel and you've decided it best to "take shelter" ... um "inside" of the camel's carcASS because you've found yourself up against a nasty sandstorm but worried to yourself "Self, what if I'm hiding inside of this camel's carcAss, and while I may be able to avoid the nasty sand storm what if I tragically get mauled by wild coyotes because they smell the flesh?" then, if you're a man - you should hop out and pee in a circle around your camel-casa - creating essentially a "urine perimeter" and if you did this you've be set! - because the testosterone in your urine would keep the coyotes at bay and you could subsequently drift off into the night nestled inside of a camel's carcass sucking your thumb or whatever! sweet! ... but - BUT! if you're a female and you find yourself taking shelter in a skinned goat carcass to avoid a sandstorm - and thought - HEY! maybe I'll create a urine "force-field" by peeing in a circle around the gutted camel to keep the mangy coyotes at bay - then you've be fucked! because them there coyotes couldn't care less because you're urine lacks the necessary testosterone and so too bad so sad...
I have to admit that now I am already feeling a warm sense of calm come over me and while some might exclaim "MALBEC!" that might indeed be the root cause but I actually think it's because I now know that if I ever find myself stranded in the desert, thirsty - and worried about being attacked by coyotes while taking shelter inside of a camel's carcASS to avoid an impending sand storm - that I'll be "golden".
10 comments:
This story pisses me off. I refuse to add "urine envy" to my Freudian "penis envy". I must survive in a 'high desert' climate daily, and, to be safe, I have 'marked my territory' everywhere from the Chapel Hills Mall to the Broadmoor. In a more offensive move, Valencia had a high school friend who was known to 'cop a squat' on the property of her enemies.
Ribhard often uses the phrase "Hey, I'm golden!' Now I more fully understand this advantage.
Bear is hot.
What if you were a member of the Russian women's olympic swim team?
I bet those "ladies" could keep any and all animals away with their 'ring o piss.'
FYI- to 'cop a squat' referred to a different and more solid bodily excretion.
well when yall think about this guy being really hot...check out YouTube: Man vs. Wild - Eating Giant Larva. P-Lou told me about it. I am guessing you may think twice about where this guy's mouth has been.
Does this guy look like Jay or what?
Speaking of pissin and moanin....I remember a Friends episode on tv...which is probably strange in it's self because I am not sure I actually saw any one episode all the way thru..but it was something like one of the girsl got stung by a jelly fish or stingray and one of the boys had to piss on it. So I guess boys piss is good medicine in a lot of ways.
maybe you should market a new kind of sports drink ribbard?
I actually used a picture of Bear once in the "Hey... doesn't this look like Jay" segment that the blog used to run
yea I am guessin the pisssport drink might be strong medicine..maybey a catchy name like urineme....or pealoty....but hard to swallow. and I swear I see Jay almost everyday in traffic, at work, on the bus, at school, in the apartments..hell I saw him once in a church! Jay gets around.
I guess one could say he's omnijaysent?
Bear is hot.
or is Bear ; Jaylicious?
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