Here Goes Nothing....

I can attest.....

"... Fire Ant are most notorious for their stinging behavior and the burning sensation they produce (hence the name “fire ant”). A person or animal disturbing the nest will find they are swarmed with hundreds of ants. But you do not need to disturb the nest to get bitten.

These ants are tiny and easy to miss. You won't feel them crawling on you. You'll just feel the sting, which is like a bad mosquito bite. Since you can't feel them, you could have lots of them crawling on you, maybe under your socks or shirt, and not know it until they start biting.

Most often the ants have been crawling on you for 10 seconds or more before they grab the skin with their mandibles, double over their abdomens, and inject their stingers, containing a toxic alkaloid venom. A single fire ant can bite and sting its victim repeatedly and will continue to do so even after their venom sac is empty. The stings often leave a burning and itching sensation, usually followed by the formation of a white pustule. There will not always be a white postule. The bites may take up to several weeks to disappear. The blisters become itchy and are prone to infection if they are broken. So try real hard not to scratch them open. If they are not properly cleaned or treated, they may cause an infection or leave permanent scarring.

Six Word Memoirs

We heard about this on NPR one day...I am sure some of yall have too. It seemed to me that our "group could really do these well". What do you think?

Six-Word Memoirs: The Legend

Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine asked their readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”). Some more that are on the website:

L00k M0m! S1x w0rds, n0 v0w3ls!!!

Wanted a better world, got Bush

Should have listened to her parents.

I write, therefore I am (destitute).

found a new life in sobriety

I picked passion. Now I'm poor.


http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/

Shocking the Monkey

That picture up above with the kid sticking the knife in an electrical outlet actually happened to me and my brother. We were about 6 or 7 years old. He stuck the knife in the outlet, started hollering and could not let it go, and I grabbed him. Then I could not let him go........neither one of us could let go. My dad came in the room, and pushed us away from the outlet. Dad shook his head and watched us wiggle on the floor some. Then he went to the fuse box to see if we had messed anything up.

I never put anything in an electrical outlet except UL approved device connectors since then. (Not sure about my brother Rocky.)

(PS: the other picture actually happened to me a few times too....but perhaps those are other stories for other blogs.............)

Things I learnt this summer............

Thanks to the village, I learnt how to say: Cabernet Sauvignon. It is correctly pronounced as "Save your yarn". So if you go to a fancy restaurant that serves fancy wine (read: in a bottle AND with a cork) you can order as "Cabaret Save Your Yarn".

Fried Turkey Bacon

I learnt this summer that you can take turkey bacon...and fry it in Olive oil....and it damn near tastes like real bacon. I was amazed when I stumbled on this. I fix it with eggs, grits, and toast.....a delightful breakfast. And hey turkey bacon ain't just for breakfast anymore. You can put the fried/cooked turkey bacon in a baggie in the ice box and use it for lunch (BLT's) or supper (Salad crumpling). Iwill freeze nicely and be ready anytime for any meal or snack.

Urban Dictionary.com

Found an "Alternative" dictionary online... some samples below.

Textpectation
The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.
"I just texted her for a date - but now the textpectation is killing me."

Alculate
To calculate how cost effective an alcoholic beverage is. Otherwise known as the cost per shot ratio.

"Good Push"
A "Tip-of-the-Hat", if you will, after a bystander passes gas in an egregious manner. Basically it is your vote of approval during post-flatulence that the individual did indeed go above and beyond the normal farting standards

Frisbeetarianism
The philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and gets stuck. (George Carlin)
"I don't believe in rencarnation I am a strong Frisbeetarianist."

Courtesy wash
The common practice of men, where after using a public restroom, instead of actually washing their hands, they simply slightly dampen them under the sink and then dry them on the pants or a paper towel. Thus giving the illusion that they did in fact wash their hands.
"She ragged on you about washing your hands? Why didn't you do a courtesy wash?"

yellow listed
a person who does not wash their hands after urinating is placed on the 'yellow list', or they are 'yellow listed'
"Co-worker: You may want to double up on the hand sanitizer after shaking hands with Edith, she was yellow listed last week"

Roman helmet
While they are passed out, gently and inconspicuously place your fleshy bag on their forehead while carefully laying down your dudemeat down the bridge of their nose in parallel fashion
"Gary passed out, so we all took turns fitting him for a roman helmet"

How tall is your weed?

I got up at 6:53am and started pulling weeds, while it was still cool outside. I came across this beauty in the NW corner of our yard. I never knew that a weed could grow this big in just 26 days, which was the last time I cleaned the yard!

Raccoon Update ?

El Victor - Please update us on the success if your Raccoon deterrent

Paper Route Injury

....so last Thursday, I ride my bike to the marina for a morning paper and a first crack at the Gabber. After I spend 5 minutes wrestling to get 3 papers free of the plastic bundle ties, I slip them into my trusty over-the-shoulder paper bag for my route (an early morning delivery to my brothers). Straddling my bike, I begin to back it up a few feet from the paperboxes before taking off. Apparently, the paper boxes are at the top of a slight incline, and the bike unexpectedly gains momentum. I learnt that on a hill it is better to have your feet on the pedals than on the ground. Thank God there has been only minimal swelling. (My ankles were this big before the accident.)

I learnt that bay-bo can get out there sometimes......

so we are sitting at the point watching the sunset. I have a plastic cup of Merlot with a straw, a bag of my freshly made world famous home boiled peanuts. There is easy give and take conversation (Lucky is not there) a gentle breeze caressing us, beautiful sunset. The rains have cleared the air. Does it get any better than this? Suddenly bay-bo jumps up and says "well I need to get home, that dog competition TV show starts in about 15 mins"..........Pat and I both glance at each other with WTF looks on our faces as bay-bo saddles up on his 10 speed and pedals off .

Art in the Kitchen by the master chef ribhard

take a cheap pan........(like Mirro brand made in Manitowak, Wis...sold by Kmart in the 70's)......cook on it for 10 - 15 years......and the center will bulge up...this bump in the middle will cause the olive oil to run down to the outside edges of the pan when heated. When you break your egg in the heated pan, it will spread out along the edges instead of staying in the middle. This will form a beautiful moon-shaped egg. Once it is done, you can take the turkey bacon and break little pieces and make a smiling (sneering?) face. This is really fun to eat with grits, toast, and a glass of skim milk. Who would have guessed that breakfast could be so much fun and so artsy?

Victoria's Secret

Today I learnt that the website is now apaprently being designed by someone at Victoria's Secret.

<< Next blog >>

Clicked on the <> link at the top of the page during lunch today... got to read about some families, new babies being born, vacations, etc., I found an interesting one of this lady who paints these really good paintings, and it looks like the paints about one per day.... must really like painting.

http://amnewlan.blogspot.com/

From the "unknown blogger"

(to preface, You may recall other blog entries from said "Jane Doe" contributor on the "re-telling" site where she took a spill with some dr. pepper cans... )

*************** By Jane Doe from Flo Mo

What I learned today… and last week… and last month….

Somehow, I can manage running an ungodly number of miles, complete a triathlon, and graduate college, but graduating from elementary school athletics is somehow beyond me. A few months ago I was at work and decided to take a break with some coworkers and play a little game of four-square… if you don't know what that game is google "kindergarten games that anyone can play" … the result-- a broken pinky finger.. for which I never allowed to heal properly and now tends to behave like the blacksheep of my other four philangees.. always going a different direction than the rest … (forgive the misspellings by the way- a result of the injury; any of the 'pinky' letters can go awry at any time)….

Forward to last Sunday… after spending the day in the sun, and feeling a bit tipsy from the …. Er… sun exposure…there was a game of truth or dare invoked (again, from those kindergarten days) and my "friends" dared me to do a cartwheel.. now that I think about it, it could have had something to do with the bikini I was wearing. Hmmm.. it's all coming together now.. those boys, they are sneaky. ANYWAY… somehow the dare gave way to a cartwheel competition. I have some experience with cartwheeling and at the time thought I was INVINCIBLE and took on the challenge. First couple went well (yes, can you even believe there was more than one??). After the last one though, I felt a little dizzy and sore. Thirty minutes or so later I notice that my toes were unnaturally large.. and purplish. Since I was in NO PAIN, I figured maybe I was imagining it. Turns out, alcohol can numb pain (who knew!?) Woke up the next morning, couldn't walk.. and yeah.. two fractured toes.

LESSON: It is not all elementary my dear… and most importantly, drink alcohol to numb the pain.

Retirement = Fountain of Youth?

Now that we've been vacationing the past few weeks in Florida, I'm thinking retirement is a good thing. We went out to dinner with Bay-bo and Boan the other night, and I noticed that retirement seems to have taken years off of their appearance. Maybe Ponce de Leon was onto something when he looked for the fountain of youth in Florida. Too bad we have to go back to work - and Colorado - soon.....

rain gauges I learnt about today after talks with polvo and others

The most common rain gauge used today by official forecasters and airports was invented over 100 years ago. The official rain gauge has a 50 centimeter high cylinder with a 20 centimeter in diameter funnel that collects water into a measuring tube that has exactly one-tenth the cross sectional area of the top of the funnel. Contrary to some village people saying they can use a Bush Bean Can to measure the rainfall. The reason for the smaller measuring tube is so that more precise rainfall measurements can be made due to the exaggeration of the height of water in the tube. For example, one-tenth of an inch of rainfall would actually fill an inch of the measuring tube. A special measuring stick inserted into the measuring tube takes into account the vertical scale exaggeration. This exaggeration allows meteorologists to make very precise measurements to one-hundredth of an inch. The standard rain gauge can measure up to two inches of rain. If rainfall exceeds two inches, water overflows into the cylinder surrounding the measuring tube. The observer takes the water in the cylinder and very carefully pours it into the measuring tube after emptying the tube. The observer then adds the measurement from the water in the cylinder to two inches in order to obtain the final rainfall amount.

Viewer Discretion is advised

So I was going to change the opening picture on this blog... I thought it would be funny to find a picture of one of those people who accidentally shot a nail into their hand or something... so then I went to google images and googled "injury" and I learnt that it's not smart to google images of 'injuries' right after you've eaten lunch.

Yes officer ....

I learnt this past weekend from Sgt. O'Connell that "Apparently" when I moved to Texas 2 years ago I was supposed to get a "Texas" driver's license, within 30 days ... and that some sticker on my windshield with big bold letters that read "04 - 08 " meant that it "expired" in "04 of 2008" ... guy was also SERIOUSLY lacking a sense of humor.

after listening to polvo..................

I got nervous that the raccoons
might still be able to get to my pineapples. So I put 9 more PVC stakes through the chicken wire and down in the ground ..to go with the 4 rebar stakes...and one bird feeder post..... then gave a shout out to the hood for 24-7 security volunteers and 6 gang flamingos showed up.......you think any raccoon is gonna mess with these bad boys?

If you rent a pole chain saw...........

If you decide to rent a pole chain saw with bay-bo and aug.......and cut all the limbs hanging down in 4 different houses ......and pile up the trimmings.........and are you are seriously out of shape.....you will be sore as hell the next day.....and not sleep worth a damn.....trust me. (note the "work position" Bay-bow has assumed in this picture...typical of the day's activities) and that pole that seems light and easy to handle while you are holding it at the Home Depot Rental department.......feels like 500 lbs. after you hold it up over your head and cut a few limbs with the 2 cycle gas engine running wide open, the noise bustin your ear drums, and the vibration shaking the fillings in your teeth out.

If you are going to rent one.....rent if for 4 hours....there is no way you are going to use it all day....trust me.

Contrare....

Ever try to learnt just one thing and actually end up learnting a couple things?

I noticed that I was a bit parched, as the inside of my nose felt dry like a trisket - but I was also a little bit tired and so I started to wonder if I drank a glass of water (to re-hydrate) and then some coffee (to re-energize) would they not just mix in my stomach, and basically amount to just a really watered down cup of coffee in the end? and since I heard that coffee would actually dehydrate me - would I subsequently gain some energy, but also lose some hydration? thus solving really only one problem? so then I googled "coffee dehydrates?" and I learnt that in fact, according to the "International Food Information Council" or http://www.ific.org/ that "... caffeine is no more a diuretic than water" and I thought ha! coffee doesn't dehydrate me but I wasn't really sure what "diuretic" meant (putting the coffee before the cup as they say, or horse, can't recall) anyway this sent me to dictionary.com in search of "diuretic" and found it meant "...increasing the volume of the urine excreted, as by a medicinal substance" (similar to American beer in this regard no?) anyway so then I thought I have to put this on the blog but I wanted to first come up with another word for "parched" so since I was already on dictionary.com I clicked on the link to thesaurus.com and looked for the word "parched" and up popped this new "Visual "Thinkmap" Thesaurus" which was just really cool, except for it turns out there really aren't any other cool words similar to "Parched" but the "Thinkmap" program is pretty cool ......

are you smarter than a raccoon?

If you are worried about raccoons getting to your backyard pineapples........like they have done for the past 2 years........you can borrow chicken wire and rebar from Bay-bo (I think he stole the chicken wire from his brother Glenn's house anyway)...get some trash bag tie-wires....a couple of dollar store noddle floats...and make a raccoon proof cage....all in one afternoon.

Sounded good at the time....

I learnt this past weekend that if your wife is away for the weekend and if you find yourself at a pool party, after leaving a previous pool party - both of which followed a golf tournament - which means you "might" have had your first beer a little bit early in the day (and why stop a good thing right?) - that when your at said (2nd pool party) and your wife is trying to get a hold of you but your phone is in your shorts (and while you are in fact wearing shorts, just not the ones with your phone in them because crackberry's aren't water proof) - and if you find that at one point most of the men are outside, and a bunch of girls are inside sitting in the living room that maybe it's "not" a good idea to ask the girls to gather around and pose for a camera-phone picture that you send to your wife with the heading of "Another boring Saturday night" and then put your phone back in your shorts that are on the chair and ask "Ok, whose serve is it?" before jumping back into the pool to continue playing some pool volleyball. I learnt however that if you do precisely that, that you may wake up Sunday morning with some 'splainin' to do'...